hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
