I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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