new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
