They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She bit a glass in half.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
