She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wear drunk well.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
