You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
