Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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