His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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