And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
