its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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