I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
