wanna go halves on a baby?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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