Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
