and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
