I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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