My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you would pick up someone in the library
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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