If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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