You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
