fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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