A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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