my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
