her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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