I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
