i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
cat food counts as protein by the way
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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