he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
