The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
