i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
