everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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