I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
