wakey wakey hands off snakey
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
