how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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