Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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