you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
