i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
