Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
