I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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