Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
