I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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