some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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