I didn't shave. On purpose
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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