At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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