I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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