I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i already hear my dad disowning me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
