If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
