I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
