His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
