Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
