I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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