He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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