VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
