i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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