It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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