i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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