Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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