Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize