Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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