Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
