As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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