I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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