I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
