I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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