She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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