Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
