i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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