what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
