I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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