Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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