I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
