you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
