you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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