awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How does one acquire holy water?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
