Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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