I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
