You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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