Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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