you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
