The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
