Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
